Slow

Say you will have me still when I finally find my way to you. Or leave a note on your door, if you finally found what you've been looking for. Oh won't you slow... slow it down. Just leave it on hold, hold, hold for now. Oh won't you slow... down that love. Until I am bold, bold, bold, enough. Save a chair, if you care. Say you'll swear to eat alone until I'm there. Or just say farewell, southern belle, if you find a southern boy who will treat you well. Oh won't you slow... slow it down. Just leave it on hold, hold, hold for now. Now won't you slow... down that love. Until I can hold, hold, hold, you up.

 

Pale Soft Light

Crafty and quiet are these two hands of mine. Climb down your spine like a ladder and slide to your sides. Crafty and quiet. Carefully scheming to bring home the kill. They're stopped by the warden in the valley, they run for the hills... carefully still. To hide in the pale soft light. Hide in the pale soft light. Crafty and quiet. Now that the guards have all gone back to bed, they head for the garden through the valley. They roll back your eyes. To hide in the pale soft light and stay there until this night feels like a memory that we are swimming in. Crafty and and oh so quiet aren't these hands of mine? They climb down from your spine down to the pale soft light. Keep us wrapped in the pale soft light.

 

Too Young to Fall in Love

There's a city on the ocean. It's where I'll go to die. Cuz there's no room to be content, not within this restless heart. I'll sleep better when I'm dead and bled it all out. There's my bride in the moon light. The one I've yet to know. Those future vows that I intend to keep when they are meant, when I am not mess like this. I'm too young to fall in love, I want it all now. Cuz though it's perfect I couldn't stay here all year. In another life we could stay here, right here. In another life, we could leave.

​

Be Quiet

When the words have finally run out, I shall place these hands upon this mouth. For talking men are destined to be, so I'd rather be quiet. Even if it isn't torture I would rather drown than be drowning. And if it isn't honest then it isn't worth the breath. I'll hold it instead. I'll spend the next year in bed if I can't get my way. They might say I've given in but I've given up and there's a difference. And when the words I've lost are found, I'll move these hands away and speak them out.

 

Paper Hands

One day when we both grow old, I will sit you by the kitchen sink. And wash your paper hair with paper hands. While you'll stay a younger soul, you will feel the weight of weathered bones. And while drag my own. I'll carry yours along. Cuz I feel it, always. When the world is through with us, leaving us behind in a cloud of dust. I won't be through with you. I won't be through. Cuz I feel it, always.

​

I Am Not Yours

This is the space upon my chest for the perfect cheek to rest, and yours it is not meant for. Though we suffer from the same disease we both suffer differently, and though I do adore you are not my cure and I am not yours. This is the fire I have saved that I dare not give away to anyone that wouldn't burn from. Though its true for a moment I believed it was you that I had seen in cinematic dreams it's such a lucky curse that you are not her. This is the veil that was my face lifted along with heavy weight revealing something new relief to feel indifferent, thankful for for my reunion with emptiness. And this is a bittersweet farewell, and I know it hurts like hell. We're well aware that we were not meant for more. This is not your heart to break. You break it anyway. You are not mine, and I am not...

​

Steal the Moon

You mistake me for someone else. Someone you must think a fool. How could anyone fall for someone you believed to be so damn cruel? If I stole that moon for your love, would you then see me a thief? Would you only see my tattered clothes if I crawled through hell to get to you? Now whose skin am I in? And who's in my skin? You have caught me holding the knife that's been dug deep in your back. Can't you see that I'm trying to pull out the blade that someone else has left? Now who's in my skin? And whose in my new skin?

​

Annabel

She lays out on the table, a pair of shears a ball of twine. Her mother's meds she could pair with her father's favorite wine. Now which of these will work the most and hurt the least? Yeah she wonders, feeling nothing. Now which of these will be the end or set her free? Yeah she wonders, feeling nothing. She looks down at the counter, and sees a ticket for a flight. And beside it a calendar, a planner for her pleasant life. She paints her face in the mirror, throws on her favorite dress. Stood between that counter and that table she reflects.

​

Not Today

When the dawn is breathing life into the streets, I'll be cursing my alarm to let me sleep. For there are no words at dawn that sound as sweet as when you whisper to yourself, "No, not today". If I bury my head underneath the sheets, like a seed beneath the soil, buried deep. Could I grow roots to keep me anchored down? So I may whisper to myself, "No, not today".

​

Places

We recite our favorite lines from our favorite silent films. Every word with quiet eyes and every touch a novel. And we pretend to love like then. Cue the orchestra to swell when our eyes meet. Rising louder now with every rushed heartbeat. So I'll be hopeless gazing out a train, and you compelled to trade names. Our two hands enact the scene, casting shadows on the wall. First they elegantly greet, and then begins the waltz. Cue the orchestra to swell when our mouths meet. Rising louder now until we're under sheets. So I'll be hopeless stranger cross the bar. And you who'll save me from my black heart. I'll be your... I'll be your... wonderer. I'll be yours. So I'll be hopeless. Hopelessly deranged. And you, a voice a million miles away. I'll be yours. Your own.

​

Ocean Legs

Dear hope, you've been good to me. I know you've led me lost at sea, but you always kept my cheeks dry. Patience, you've eluded me right when I thought I'd need you most but I don't need you anymore. What good would you be now? I've already found my ocean legs. Dear me. Has it always been dear me? Sweet hope, you've been sweet to me. Although I've always secretly wanted to meet your cousin faith. Patience, you've been patient. What would it take for you to show? But I don't want you anymore. What good would you be now? I've already found my ocean legs.

​

Albert and the Hurricane

Only for a brief moment I breathe. In the center of an awful dream. But it's beautiful in the middle but then I hear those distant drums. Once again the waltz begins. We twist, we bend. Is this the end? And once again the city spins. We twist, we bend. This is the end. At the mighty hands of someone's god, we may be held or thrown away. 

​

Every Good Boy Does Fine

Have we turned out to be how we wanted? How we wanted? How I dreamed such big dreams. When I was small and convinced I'd be wanted. I’d be wanted. I'd be thrown upon a stage. (That TV told me so). So I believed. (That TV told you). Something similar. It sold it to us all the same way. I'm a rare dying breed, and I'll make it if I'm patient. Every good boy does fine. And every thoughtful deed meant to please will be noticed. I'll be noticed. I'll be thrown upon a stage. (That TV told me so). So I believed. (That TV told you). Something similar. It sold it to us all the same way. The same way, the same. I’d be glowing on a stage. So I believed. It told you something similar. It sold it to us all the same way. It sold it to us all the same way. I’d swore that I’d be thrown upon a stage. (That TV told me so). So I believed. (That TV told you). Something similar. It sold it to us all the same way. It sold it to us all the same way.
 

Snowglobe

If there ever was this moment of clear vision, then I'd have it back, to reenact and live in. Sleepwalk to the grave, slow dance in a haze. If there's ever been a single thing worth keeping, like some memory, it's not to be repeated. Sleepwalk to the grave, slow dance in a haze.

Scales

This beating heart won't stay steady enough to keep me on this narrow way. With every twist and turn, the street beneath my feet begins to burn. So I turn off, and leave it alone. There must be something here - beautiful, to hold against my dying ears. Before I disappear, send me off with something I've not heard. So I turn off and let it go. So I turn off and leave it alone. Wonder why I fail, as I'm hunting down my tail. Wonder why I try at all.

Burning House

I need this house to stay burning for a while. With the crackling walls and ceiling caving down. Toy with the thought of getting out. I need this house to stay burning for a while. Well I've cleansed my heart of any notion that this works out somehow. And I've tuned out any hope of some resolve. But I'll toy with the thought of settling down. I need this house to stay burning... for a while.

Death in the Snow

Hold fast! Terror comes with the cold. Seek out the fire we came from. Have we forgotten where we were made? Have we forgotten where we came from? Hold fast! Death awaits in the snow. Breathe out the fire in our lungs. Have we forgotten how to breathe? How to gather the air deep in our lungs? Let it sit with all of our grief, enough to burn up the whole sea. Swear like you mean it. Hold fast! Terror comes with the cold. Fear not the fire we had once. Swear like you mean it. Arm your wives and kiss them goodbye, like you've never kissed before.

Nothing's Meant

Nothing’s ever meant for anything, but everything means so much to me now. You and I are not set on a path, but we're everything that's perfect about now. I do believe that now and here's where I should be. I don't believe in much of anything, but everything is real to me, somehow. You and I are not part of a plan, but we're everything that's perfect about now. If my body ever gives away, I may spend all of time in my despair - for my lips may never touch your cheek again, but I may not feel the sting to even care. I do believe that now and here's where I should be.

Float

I know of her face from my sleep, from my most favorite dreams. We meet as my body retreats, and I'm the most charming that I've never been. Please pull me under for one more embrace, for one small moment. So I go through my colorless days just mindlessly wilting away. And I desperately wait for the night for the ghost with the most beautiful eyes. Please pull me under for one more embrace, for one small moment. I have finally built up the nerves to be brave and solemnly dive into her. As I stand where the ground meets the sky, gazing out with a grin I declare my goodbye. Please pull me under for one more embrace, for one small moment. Here I will float away in faith. I'm floating to you.

Once the Ocean

Once the ocean begins to reach the tall trees, who would lie beside me in wonder, as our town drowns out? Would your faith last? Or ruin when the waves crash? Who would have this face as their final face to see? But I'd want you as mine. Once the ocean would hum a calming static, who in all this panic would have it by my side? But I'd want you by mine. Once the ocean... I’d want you as mine.

The Unforgiving Tide

Please be heartless, lovers. Please be cold, I know not what I do. Keep me from your daughters. Keep me from the wide-eyed and delicate. Because lately I've made it through the unforgiving tide, but all the good inside was lost at sea. Stay forever weary, for I've been quite the bastard, posing sweet. Don't you dare be thoughtful, don't you dare be darling and delicate. And as I swear to even me that this promise will endure, I'm made aware that I can't be sure. Because lately I've made it through the unforgiving tide, but all the good inside was lost at sea.

Progress

Now I'll count up to ten without a single thought of when I was yours, but ten is still more then I'd ever count before. Now I'll sleep a couple nights in a week and not be haunted by how we were then, how you'd vowed to spend all of April in my sheets. And after I've gone, I remember, you held on so long. So this is progress. These are honestly steps towards a change, and these are promises made for better days. After I've gone, I remember what went wrong.

Field Mouse

I had a knife... but I cut myself wide. I never could hold a blade like I should. But I made no excuses, I knew. Yes, I knew it would hurt but I never did learn. I found a mouse... but I held it too high, and it leaped from my hands and died. I never was quite careful enough with the things that I loved. But I knew. Yes, I knew it would hurt but I never did learn from the pain.

Reborn

Meet me when I'm reborn… in my next life, by the shore. Next time we'll kiss for the first time. This time I swear I'll be sure of who I was made for. I'll see you when I'm naked again. I'll come back a stranger, undiscovered. And when your face turns, I'll see who I burn for. I'll see you when I'm naked again.

​

All I'll Ever Know

Meet my thirsty lips quick with a sip. And just wait and see how long it will be before I'm asking for the sea. Till at last the ocean is gone and I'll look upon the mess I have made. How long it will it take before I'm begging for the rain? So I... all I ever wanted was it all. All I ever needed now is gone. It's all I'll ever know. Once I'm left to soak In shivering bones and you'd be so kind to press yours to mine. Sure as hell I'll beg for fire. And when the flames have taken your home, and all that you've owned, and all that you've made, how long will it take before I'm pleading for some more? All I ever wanted was it all. All I ever needed now is gone. It's all I'll ever know. All that I'll ever know is need. All that I'll ever need is more. Until there is nothing left to take. All that I'll ever take is it all It's all I know.

​

Weather Report

I heard the news and it's not good. I've read the weather report, said it's pouring forever. But I looked outside and I saw you sticking your tongue out and drinking from those clouds above you. Fluctuat nec mergitur. Fluctuat nec. Everything's gone so wrong. They say, "The air makes you sick, don't stay out there for too long." But then, there you are outside. You don't seem to mind how the pesticides sit in your lungs. Then you turned to me and you smiled and motioned for me to come play for a while. But I hid away as I dreamt of a day that I'd join you. Fluctuat nec mergitur. Fluctuat nec. I heard the news. And it's not good. They say, "The monsters are loose and the city's on fire." But seeing you dance in the smoke. Waving your arms like a beautiful idiot makes me believe in the hopes of the day I'd join you. And while I shook at the door you ran towards the ocean to go for a swim. And I saw the look in your eyes as the tide came to take you. You loved it. You loved it.

 

A Message

How do I make a sound worth the breath? One that may leave my mouth with purpose. And so now how do I make you understand through words something that never truly could be heard? How do I make it so my voice may grow arms to hold, a message to reach your ears with purpose? And so now how do I make you understand through words something that never truly could be heard?  How do I turn my tongue into a brush? One I could use to paint a portrait of my fear and love. I'd color it red with blood, then dry my lips and wash my lungs. Then finally show you some piece of me.

​

I Saw Red

I saw red for the first time. And it soon became the only color that I seemed to recognize. But I had to say goodbye - nice to know you. Goodbye - hope to see you soon. Then I turned blue when I left her. I was only passing through for the day. Then I had to go away. Will I ever see that color?  Goodbye - nice to know you. Goodbye - hope to see you soon. Then I turned white when I found that this certain shade that I used to see as grey would fade. Goodbye - nice to know you. Goodbye - hope to see you soon. Goodbye - nice to know you. Bye - hope to see you soon. Goodbye. 

​

Get Out Stay Out

You were not invited, I don't know how you got in. There's a reason why that door's not open. But you stumble in like it's a place you've been before. I don't care you weren't aware that I was home. Get out. Stay out. Sheepskin, you're a wolf wrapped in sheepskin.
Just 'cause I'm not resisting doesn't make it right. And I would call for help, but we both know I live alone. I chased off all my neighbors. Get out. Stay out. Disappear, how do I make you disappear? There is nothing to take here, nothing you would want. Burglar, get your feet off the furniture. Swear I won't tell a soul that I know who you are. Get out. Stay out.

​

No Parachutes

Let’s build a plane out of styrofoam and cellophane and whatever’s left behind the shed. Let’s cut across the Atlantic where we’ll both live off of strange love with strangers. Packed to the roof with our plastic guns and hiking boots and we’ve left no room for parachutes. This gasoline is enough to only get us to strange love with strangers. God save us from this love. Let’s build a plane out of styrofoam and cellophane and the scraps our parents threw away. Let’s cut across the Atlantic where we’ll both live off of strange love with strangers. There’s nothing here to keep me from this strange love of danger, and if this plane goes down then we all go down. And then we all go down. Love. No parachutes. So, let’s get this right (See you on the other side) If we get this right (See you on the other side) Or if we all go down (See you on the other side) If we get this right (See you on the other side). Or if we drown I’ll see you on the other side. I’ll see you on the other side.

​

Sonnet For Silence

She loves me so, but not enough to let me go. And I caress her face, empty of the notion. Maybe I'm to blame for all the fragile things I break. Smile and dream at day. Then piss away what's left of the night. Rehearse, recite.

​

Funeral

Holding up her glass. Gazing through the chardonnay she says, "Here's to lovers passed. This one, he was taken far too soon." Smiling in the casket as if I could hear it. "Oh, he’s the only one, the only one for me." I would kill to be a ghost. I would kill to be a ghost in the comfort of my own funeral. "Always so compassionate. Oh, a true humanitarian," cries the weeping president, while accompanied by violin. Then as they lay me down to rest, release the doves and fire off the cannon. I would kill to be a ghost. I would kill to be a ghost in the comfort of my own funeral. Oh, to see the final show. Watch the final curtains close in the comfort of my own funeral. ("He's the only one, the only one for me").

​

Roma White

You'll hurt yourself trying to smile. When there's still the taste of lament in your mouth. You'll twist a nerve just from the motion, It's an act we don't have to do. I can sit and just be here and not have to be so terribly scared of silent air. Just a body in the room. The silence is scary, but it's a joke compared to talking to yourself. I'll sit and just be here, and when the dread finally shifts, just enough for you to feel it's safe to talk again, I'll be an empty vase for you to pour yourself in. Or I'll sit and just be here and not have to be so terribly scared of silent air. Just a body in the room, the silence is scary, but it's a joke compared to talking to yourself. I'll sit and just be here. I can sit and just be here, and not have to be so terribly scared of silent air. And if all you'd like is a body in the room. The silence is scary, but it's a joke compared to talking to yourself. I'm empty whenever you're ready. Whenever, if ever. If you feel like you may want to let me in. Whenever, if ever.

​

Being Human Is Weird

A hot breath on the back of my neck by someone pushing his way to the bar. And to my left, somebody's father is pressing right up against someone's daughter with shark eyes. And I... I'm over it. And now I... I'm over it. And now I'm smoking too much, it's the only excuse. I have to get away from filling my black lungs with cheap perfume. And I... I'm over it. And now I... I'm over it.  And now everybody's talking but no one's saying a damn thing. Just taking turns reciting something absurd that they heard once. The things that I would do just to get inside of some woman's blurred view. And all the things that I would do to get out once I actually do. And I... I'm over it. And now I... I'm over it. I'll buy a drink for a stranger. She's been giving me eyes all night. Maybe give her an empty line.
Now I'm part of it. I'm part of it. (And now everybody's talking but no one's saying a damn thing). I'm part of it. (Just taking turns reciting something absurd that they heard once). Now I'm part of it. (The things that I would do just to get inside of some woman's blurred view). I'm part of it. (And all the things that I would do to get out).

​

Jumble Gem

So long. I've had a good run at this. Lucky to have known a smile and the warmth of someone’s kindness. Oh, so long. Lucky to have known you so long. But it's just not, not enough. This night is getting too long. That dawn is coming for me and what is left for me to feel that would feel new and what is left. That swan is coming for me and what is left for me. So long. Lucky to have been around so long. Felt the warmth of someone's kindness. Luckier than most, but it’s just not, not enough. This night is getting too long. That dawn is coming for me and what is left. For me to feel that would feel new. It's coming. It's coming for me. And what is left.

​

Didn't I

Didn't I know you once before? Back in a former life, were you not who I most adored? And wasn't I everything to you? Before we knew everything is always only passing through? But now I don't even know your name. It shouldn't be so easy for names in the sand to wash in the sea. But didn't I know? Didn't I know you once before? You had a wedding on the beach, and it looked beautiful, like something from a magazine. And now he is everything to you. You were a dream to me but now you're someone's dream come true.
Someone who's given you his name. It shouldn't be so easy for names in the sand to wash in the sea. But didn't I know? Didn't I know?

​

Goodnight

While you're laying waiting for morning, can you hear them? The universe speaking. "Goodnight. Sleep tight. Little light of mine." Goodnight starlight. Goodnight moon and black sky. Sweet dreams black sea. I'll see you soon universe.

​

I Dread The Night

I dread the night. I dread the dark. Cuz it steals the light from where you are love. How cruel the evening is to deny my eyes of such a view. While you rest so heavy I’m restless. Though you lay beside me I miss you. Where do you go when your eyes closeSome place you’ve been or long to go to. If only I could see where the current takes you in the storm. While you rest so heavy I’m restless.
Though you lay beside me I miss you. If only I could see where the current takes you in the storm. Well either way I’ll be here to greet you when you wash ashore. Though you lay beside me I still miss you while you sleep.

​

End

I wanna suffocate inside your warm embrace. I wanna feel your love parading through my veins. I want your scent on my collar to breathe when you're away. I wanna suffocate. I'll breathe another day. There you are my sweet release. They've been cruel keeping you from me. But I want you back (Take me back around the bend). Yeah I need you bad (Love you till the very...) End. I wanna suffocate inside your warm embrace. I wanna feel your love parading through my veins. I want your scent on my collar to breathe when you're away I wanna suffocate. I'll breathe another day. There you are my sweet disease. I've been dying to die
at your feet. Cuz I want you bad (You're my one and only friend). Yeah I need you bad. (Love you till the very...) End. I wanna suffocate inside your warm embrace. I wanna feel your love parading through my veins. I want your scent on my collar to breathe when you're away. I wanna suffocate. I'll breathe another day. Take me back around the bend. Love you till the very...

​

We All Get Lost

Preacher's boy who fell into the well behind his father's house. He wouldn't dare to cry out in fear the beast would find him out. And slither down. Now we all get lost. Now we all get lost. After days the devil came, bit his side and broke him down. He cried until his tears would fill the well and he was free to finally swim out. Now we all get lost. Now we all get lost. Now we all get lost.

​

Play

We meet for drinks at day time for the first time. And all my lines you've heard about a dozen times before. If I could make you want me I could be myself at last. It's a play and we're just reading lines from the first act. But we don't have to play along we could get by on our own. So could we just not play along. And when your salad hits the table I sense. The regret that you will be starving later. When all I want is, is to connect to something real. Then I'll go on about the weather. If I could take you by the hand and pull you close to me then I could shake this feeling like we're playing out a scene. But we don't have to play along. We could get by on our own. So could we just not play along. Because we both know where this goes. Now we don't have to play. No we don't have to play along. We kiss beneath the moonlight and for the first time I can feel light enough to just be carried by the flow. If I could make
you want me maybe you could want to stay. If only for a moment of a day. Just long enough to shake these nerves away. If I could.
It's a play and we don't have to play along. Along. Along. No we don't have to play.

​

So It Goes

When we have gone on from the earth. Like all of it's creatures we are fed on by the earth. And all of it's creatures and so on and so it goes. Some say we all get to go back home. Back into the infinite spaces in between. The edges of what we know and what our eyes couldn't see. Come find me. When we are long gone from the earth and all of it's troubles we may be gone so it goes and some say we all get to go back home. Back into the infinite spaces in between. The edges of what we know and what our eyes couldn't see.
When we are long gone. Back into the infinite spaces in between. The edges of what we know and what our eyes couldn't see. Come find me. Come find me. Come find me. Come find me.

​

Beneath the Static Haze

When did I get used to hiding my face smiling with my eyes. Knowing the world through a screen in my palm as the time ticks by. Pretending to know. I cozy up beneath the static haze. Bury my head in the hive. Take time away from what I love to make, time for something maybe someone will like. Pretending to know you. I must have gone under  (in a sleep) ages ago now I wake to find (that everywhere I see) everyone's tired (on their knees). My friends all replaced their moms for wives. Now I miss believing in something too good to be true. There's just no place for a myth in the modern view. I cozy up beneath the static haze. Bury my head in the hive. Take time away from what I love to make, time for something maybe someone will like. Pretending to know you. And yet when we see each other in the flesh we barely say a word and if we do it's hollow. Make plans that we both know we don't intend to follow. I'd miss you more if I wasn't used to pretending to know you. I cozy up beneath the static haze. Bury my head in the hive. Take time away from what I love to make, time for something maybe someone will like. Pretending to know you.

 

Good For You

I watch the color of your cheeks begin to change. And your eyes go soft when being held. I watch your frame contort with rapture when you kiss. And it's cruel cuz I feel my own dissolve as you hold onto his. Now if I was not paralyzed I could be good for you. I could be good for you. But I won't be better. He pulls you in close and he whispers something in your ear. Whatever it is it makes you smile. Just cuz they're words I'd never dare to confess it doesn't mean that he somehow means them any less. Now if I was not paralyzed I could be good for you. I could be good for you. Now I could be good for you. I could be good for you but I won't be better. I watch in awe as he somehow locks into your eyes. Where do you find that kind of courage? It's like staring right into the sun, god knows I've tried. I never could despite how much I crave it's late If I tried I could be good for you. I could be good for you. I could be good for you. But I won't be better...no.

​

Time Will Make Children Of Us All

Are you ok? I've never seen you this way, wide eyed and weary. You used to carry me. You used to carry me around. Time will make children of us all. Time will make children of us all. Are you alright? I've never seen you in this light. Carved in my memories how you used to carry me so easily. So I I'll carry you this round. Time will make children of us all. Time will make children of us all. The summer will fade into the fall. Time will make children of us all. Are you ok? It's not like you to be afraid. Old age is scary cuz you used to carry me so easily. So I I'll carry you. You used to carry me. You used to carry me. So I'll carry you. I'll carry you. You used to carry me, carry me. So I'll carry you. I'll carry you this round. Are you ok?

​

Gala

We were wrapped in the warmth of a day dream like a newborn. Sound asleep til someone pulled the sheets away. We were cool
in the shade of ambition. Of what could be made by desire made us tired and wishing never got us well, well. And now I lie awake most nights. Wishing I could cut these tethers. If I could sleep, well then I could dream. I’d dream of ways to sleep forever. I’ll lie and wait for the world to end. Never mind (never mind). My strange hesitation (every time). As you plot out the days still ahead. How I dread breaking your heart again. It’s not you that I can’t quite imagine for the first dance. It is me I don’t see making it to dance with you. You. Cuz now I lie awake most nights wishing I could cut these tethers. If I could sleep, well then I could dream. I’d dream of ways to sleep forever. I’d lie and wait. For the world to end. If I could only be holy again. If I could only be whole again. If I could only begin again.